Ya ever sat in a position for too long. Ya get up and crack, ache, and wake then ya get that feeling like what your doing is the most brilliant and refreshing thing youvever done. No matter if its smoking a cig or turning on the record player or typing on a web journal youve not thought about for years. Thats me right now.
I feel like a can of pop thats been left out too long and let get stale and Luke Ward warm, then tossed in the freezer to chill. Im out of the freezer. Im refreshed but covered in ice from the condensation that covered me. The next few months (oct/nov/dec) ill be in school learning how to feel again. After the numbing effect people have had on me (especially people who buy shit). So that I can commence to exist again, not just survive.
I miss my friends and my life. I miss thinking abstractly and not being chasticed with words like commie/liberal(asifitsaderogatoryterm)/pinko/christian. I miss not having to suck ass to the man every time he calls. I miss not being a money filter watching it run through me from the register into linnen pockets of big brothers all the while trying to not let it all corrupt who I am inside. With a smile on my face.
I dont want to go from home to work back home add finitum any more. I dont want to be pulled from the lap of my love anymore just because its time to punch in and give a pint of my blood then drink a pitcher when i get home in a vain attempt to forget it.
This is a long laundry list i didnt expect id wash all at once. I hope the washer doesnt make that creaking sound i only hear when ive stuffed it too full. Oh fuck it you got time or your not reading this. Hi there.. by the way. I hope you like me still even though Ive been gone. Im glad you cared this much, i hope this has been as fun to read as it has been to write. I got a monkey on my back the size of that pill on Campbell's. I hope he can flush his like Im sending mine back into the Zoo to rest on some other dip shit's shoulders. One who can stand the affliction of stupidity a frivilocity better than I can.
I cant wait to come home. I plan not to fall into the same cycle. Ive seen failure in my day, and confusion; Im crystal clear that im the winner in this deal so i return with a clear vision of the future. I dont know how long ill be home, and to be honest I return mostly for a hiatus from the real. Just for one last moment, to collect myself. To straighten my coller to enter the world. I want a cig. Ive been quit for like 2 days. Listening to Bob and thinking of the old days makes me want to see smoke rolling from my lips.
Ill end up back in University again I hope. With Lori I hope. She loves me so much. I dont know how I would go on without her. Today is our 9th month together. I make her study and she makes me brush my teeth. I love it, it is precious and simple. I fear not living in the same house with her. To have a bed thats mine and not ours. And that hug after a long day of work that tells me how much she missed me while I was gone. I love her so much. It is hard to stay focused on that and not the mundane in the life we lead. Its a testament to our love that we sail so smooth in such choppy waters.
These rambling need end and soon. Before I show myself. I miss everyone who has read this, and many more who have not. Ill see you soon as I can. We shall hang when next we meet.
Dont miss the Bob Dylan documentary by Marty Scorsezi,or some shit, on PBS the 26th. Check your local listings.
Love
PS. Hang in there Brian Loony Lundsford and Hurley. Those brothers set adrift in distant ponds. I hope you have calm weather through your return trip.
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